Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
