Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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