I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my liver is dry heaving
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