i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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