he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
