Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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