I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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