I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
