I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
