Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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