I wish I only lived at night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
