i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
