I think I won the penis lottery.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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