There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize