i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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