Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
