don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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