I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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