I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
