can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just gargled with NyQuil
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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