So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
