I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
