Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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