Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
