How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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