ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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