Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
