Kiss
Puke
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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