Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.

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(925): He's on drugs...like drugs for horses. http://tfl.nu/witw

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava

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(617): His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava http://tfl.nu/q9zi

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

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(860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9

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(905): View more from Ontario

MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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(905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz

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(213): View more from California

Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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(213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u

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(256): View more from Alabama

this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

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(256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz

Replies (17) Good night (980) Bad night (5943) Order T-Shirt
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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(646): Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout. http://tfl.nu/vj0i

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(510): View more from California

I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

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(510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3

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(904): View more from Florida

Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.

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(904): Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically. http://tfl.nu/529h

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(970): View more from Colorado

I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.

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(970): I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night. http://tfl.nu/sjta

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(713): View more from Texas

he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"

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(713): he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses" http://tfl.nu/ra51

Replies (11) Good night (742) Bad night (1662)
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(540): View more from Virginia

For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.

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(540): For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners. http://tfl.nu/0hks

Replies (4) Good night (1574) Bad night (515)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.

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(314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over. http://tfl.nu/eyog

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(847): View more from Illinois

This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.

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(847): This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird. http://tfl.nu/h1he

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(773): View more from Illinois

You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.

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(773): You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms. http://tfl.nu/8prv

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