toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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