this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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