Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
