that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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