Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
