so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
