It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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