it was like his penis was on wheels.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
