I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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