I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
