Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
