im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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