im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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