Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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