Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
