I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
