gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
