U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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