my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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