I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
