This girl is more easily done than said...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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