HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i permit you to call me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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