not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
