He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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