Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
