I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When are your genitals available?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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