Tell her she can't have a vagina
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
