She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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