Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
